Thursday, January 7, 2010
Happy New Year
I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed new year. In the new year, I will be taking bit of a hiatus from blogging. Both my author and personal blogs are more to me than a way to promote my books and prattle on about current events. It's my heart laid bare in the hopes of helping someone else who may be struggling with similar issues. I believe in sharing my life as I believe you just never know when God will use something you've gone through to help someone else. I see my blogs as a way to possibly do this on a larger scale.
The problem is, I use the blog to work out some of the things that are hardest in my life and recently there have been people who are taking things out of context and using them to attack everything about me, from my relationship with God, to my kids, to how I parent, to what I write.
I can't stop people from having their opinions, but I do find it hypocritical and horribly unfair to make rash judgements and harsh criticisms about a person you really don't know, but I guess that's part of the human condition. I've spent all of my adult life giving people the benefit of the doubt, going out on limbs to reach out to people and to show compassion, sadly I rarely get the same in return.
I do hope that something I've written over the passed three years has touched someone, that was after all the point. :) I hope to continue blogging at some point in the future, because I do enjoy it and I do think there is a purpose for it, but while I work out these issues, and work on forgiveness despite I know there will never be an apology coming, I pray you all hugs your kids, smell the flowers, and remember how important you are to the one that created you. ~ Samantha
The problem is, I use the blog to work out some of the things that are hardest in my life and recently there have been people who are taking things out of context and using them to attack everything about me, from my relationship with God, to my kids, to how I parent, to what I write.
I can't stop people from having their opinions, but I do find it hypocritical and horribly unfair to make rash judgements and harsh criticisms about a person you really don't know, but I guess that's part of the human condition. I've spent all of my adult life giving people the benefit of the doubt, going out on limbs to reach out to people and to show compassion, sadly I rarely get the same in return.
I do hope that something I've written over the passed three years has touched someone, that was after all the point. :) I hope to continue blogging at some point in the future, because I do enjoy it and I do think there is a purpose for it, but while I work out these issues, and work on forgiveness despite I know there will never be an apology coming, I pray you all hugs your kids, smell the flowers, and remember how important you are to the one that created you. ~ Samantha
Friday, January 1, 2010
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Christmas Giving
This time of year, I know we're spending money like crazy on decorations, gifts, food and wine. Amidst the festivities of the season, I want to draw your attention to a few charities that I personally believe in and could use donations, at this time of year, or any.
Please take a moment to check out the links and if you can, support the wonderful work of these great charities.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Some fun and a free read...of sorts ;-)
I'm combining my love of writing, with my love for playing the sims3 and the marriage produced this http://guenivereslegacy.blogspot.com
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Another curve in the road
My whole life is changing, again! LOL But I'm excited about this change, this curve in the road. Maybe I saw it coming this time, or maybe it just feels more like a gentle curve rather than the sharp jolts I've been experiencing over the past four years. Whatever it is though, I'm truly excited about my future, my whole life really, than I have been in years!
I was having a talk with my oldest today about things that happened in our family four years ago, when I had the four miscarriages that ultimately led to my divorce. For the first time, I was able to be completely honest with myself about what happened back then.
I'm not an ex basher, he has his issues, I have mine, but thing is, I was flat on my back for about a year and a half, either pregnant, trying NOT to miscarry our child, or else reeling from loosing yet another baby. During this I had no one in my life. There wasn't a single person who cared how I was or that tried to help me through that very dark time, and that includes my ex. Yes he was hurting too, and I understand watching someone in pain and not knowing what to do, but there wasn't a single person who even tried. That hurt more than i could probably express. However, the experience showed me once and for all, who was real in my life and who was not, and the fact was, I was nearing forty and I had no one.
On top of that, during that time, my ex allowed our home, the home that I loved and worked so hard to keep organized and beautiful, he let it become a place that should have been condemned. I think that was the key in our divorce to be honest. I was so devastated that while I was dying inside from loosing babies, and yes I get he was in pain too, I acknowledge that, but while I was dealing with this horrible loss, he killed our home, and worse he killed our family. He allowed our boys, who at the time were 11 and 14, essentially fend for themselves. He let their schooling drop, he let the structure and discipline I'd worked constantly at for every one of those 11 and 14 years just go. I came out of that time physically depleted, I could barely stand for more than an hour at a time, and emotionally and spiritually destroyed, only to find the life I used to know and cherish, was also destroyed.
With my religious upbringing, I've struggled greatly with the fact I left my nearly 20 year marriage. A part of me still can't believe I did it, but I think, seeing what happened back then in this clear new light, perhaps I can cut myself just a little bit of slack and instead of being so hard on myself, I can applaud myself for making it through, for standing up for me and my boys and for starting on a new life, as scary as it was.
I also have to acknowledge my faith and trust in God. When I was completely alone, no family, no friends, he gave me the strength I needed to pull through and to make tremendously difficult choices. He's blessed those choices with a new family, new, wonderful friends like I've never known, a new home, a new career and new dreams.
Today, I almost feel as though I've been through this tremendous storm. I remember all the times in the past four years I thought things were changing, I thought the storm had passed, but I see now that those were mere breaks in the storm. Moments of peace so I could breathe for a mere second before the storm raged on. How I feel now, is very different. I don't have that nagging fear at the back of my head that says, it's not over yet. I feel like the sun is breaking through. I can almost see the devastation all around from the ravages of that storm,
but today, I know clearly, I'm a survivor!
I was having a talk with my oldest today about things that happened in our family four years ago, when I had the four miscarriages that ultimately led to my divorce. For the first time, I was able to be completely honest with myself about what happened back then.
I'm not an ex basher, he has his issues, I have mine, but thing is, I was flat on my back for about a year and a half, either pregnant, trying NOT to miscarry our child, or else reeling from loosing yet another baby. During this I had no one in my life. There wasn't a single person who cared how I was or that tried to help me through that very dark time, and that includes my ex. Yes he was hurting too, and I understand watching someone in pain and not knowing what to do, but there wasn't a single person who even tried. That hurt more than i could probably express. However, the experience showed me once and for all, who was real in my life and who was not, and the fact was, I was nearing forty and I had no one.
On top of that, during that time, my ex allowed our home, the home that I loved and worked so hard to keep organized and beautiful, he let it become a place that should have been condemned. I think that was the key in our divorce to be honest. I was so devastated that while I was dying inside from loosing babies, and yes I get he was in pain too, I acknowledge that, but while I was dealing with this horrible loss, he killed our home, and worse he killed our family. He allowed our boys, who at the time were 11 and 14, essentially fend for themselves. He let their schooling drop, he let the structure and discipline I'd worked constantly at for every one of those 11 and 14 years just go. I came out of that time physically depleted, I could barely stand for more than an hour at a time, and emotionally and spiritually destroyed, only to find the life I used to know and cherish, was also destroyed.
With my religious upbringing, I've struggled greatly with the fact I left my nearly 20 year marriage. A part of me still can't believe I did it, but I think, seeing what happened back then in this clear new light, perhaps I can cut myself just a little bit of slack and instead of being so hard on myself, I can applaud myself for making it through, for standing up for me and my boys and for starting on a new life, as scary as it was.
I also have to acknowledge my faith and trust in God. When I was completely alone, no family, no friends, he gave me the strength I needed to pull through and to make tremendously difficult choices. He's blessed those choices with a new family, new, wonderful friends like I've never known, a new home, a new career and new dreams.
Today, I almost feel as though I've been through this tremendous storm. I remember all the times in the past four years I thought things were changing, I thought the storm had passed, but I see now that those were mere breaks in the storm. Moments of peace so I could breathe for a mere second before the storm raged on. How I feel now, is very different. I don't have that nagging fear at the back of my head that says, it's not over yet. I feel like the sun is breaking through. I can almost see the devastation all around from the ravages of that storm,
but today, I know clearly, I'm a survivor!Labels: Life
Thursday, August 6, 2009
A complete rant
I like some reality television quite a bit, yes I have my Bachelor addiction after all lol, but I was completely taken aback by how I could get sucked into Tori and Dean. However, the more I watch, the more I realize Tori's relationship with her mom, so parallels (without the millions LOL) my relationship with my own mother that I can't stop watching in the hopes she will make better decisions than I did in dealing with a narcissistic mother who is not capable of true, nurturing love. It breaks my heart to see her making all the same mistakes I made. I wish I could hug her and tell her to stop wasting her life waiting for change that is never going to happen.
Candy Spelling is a self absorbed, uncaring, unfeeling woman who's only concern seems to be for her public reputation. The things she says publicly, the way she sends what should be private correspondance thrrough the media is so 5th grade! Come on, you are supposed to be a grown woman, act like one! I am completely appalled at her behavior and attitude. Simply because Tori grew up functional, is a good mother and a hard worker, does NOT mean she had a good mother. People often make this mistake. I am a fairly reasonable and functional woman, but I do not credit my mother with that. I credit a good and loving God and the paths he's led me on.
Candy Spelling does not deserve the opportunity to hurt her grandchildren the way she has hurt her daughter, and believe me she will. My greatest regret is that my mother was ever allowed into my children's lives. My greatest wish is that Tori is finally able to lay this at rest. Tori has a beautiful family, a man who loves her deeply and if she doesn't let her mother go, she will waste all her life, wishing and hoping and waiting for that woman to morph into someone she isn't, a loving, caring parent and grandmother, and that is the biggest tragedy of it all.
Life is too short and babies grow up too fast, don't waste it all Tori on someone who will never fill that mother ache in your soul. She doesn't have what it takes to be a real mom and that's what you're actually looking for.
Hold your babies close, treasure the relationship with your husband, and let your mother go.
Labels: Candy Spelling, Tori and Dean, Tori Spelling
Thursday, July 23, 2009
A chance to help needy animals
Want an easy way to help hungry, abused and neglected animals? You don't even have to get off the couch, just click here then click on the button on the site. That's all you have to do and help is given to animals in need.
Labels: animal charitiy
Switch Mode: Dialup ·
Last Updated: Thursday, 7 January 2010 @ 13:01:29 EST · Total Visitors: 52029
Site content copyright © 2007 - 2008 Samantha Lucas, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Site design by The Website Taylor.